SO...I just made a complete and utter fool of myself. Sorta. I KNOW I KNOW...Calling someone in a fit of panic and despair and crying over the phone does not a fool make but it still feels that way.
Okay... little back story is needed.
'I have since quit my job at a retail chain - thank god - only to take a really too large bite out of small business management for a cafe that opened up in town. It got to the point a few days ago that I'd worked over 60 hours in a five day span with little to no rest due to stress and freaking out.
Since THEN my hours have been trimmed to forty a week, with two days off AND I work only mornings until 2pm or 3pm. So yay me. BUT. They're talking about putting me through training - as in COLLEGE - as well. HOW EXCITING!' - Taken from a previous journal on a different site.
Exciting, right? Great opportunity...great people...
Until today and last night. I should say last night and today but since I found out about today before last night, that's how I said it. I almost got fired tonight. I sobbed like a child tonight, frightened and scared and feeling absolutely insignificant. I'd talk more about it, but I don't really know if any of the people I work with go to this site, and I trust no one right now since that's kind of how this whole thing started.
So...I'm seriously thinking about quitting my job...again. I'm looking into schools online and different job opportunities that I can have online so on and so forth. I can't work in an environment in which I'm terrified and on guard with the people I work with, where I seriously fear for my safety, and where I feel abused and overburdened and not to mention belittled for my job performance when I know for a fact that I'm pulling far more than my own weight and getting beans in return.
SO...For those who know me and seriously care, I need ideas. I've looked into programs at Kaplan Online University, Phoenix Online University, but not FAFSA or student loans yet. I need some ideas on income I can receive NOW in the meantime that's online and/or somewhere I don't have to physically be. Whether it's data processing, writing or proofing documents, something.
I need to go and have another cry again...soon probably. Just stress I think. But this whole situation has opened my eyes and woken me up. THIS is not how a business is supposed to be run with double standards and thinking one does no wrong. You don't treat your employee's like pack-mules and slaves. You don't overwork your people, and then not pay them overtime.
You don't make them feel inferior and insignificant and downright BAD for trying to cover YOUR ass and keep you protected.
And...I've finally gotten angry enough to move past it and into something that will reward me and my insanely hard work. I kicked my ASS for this business, ran myself into the ground and beyond trying to get this thing started. And this is how I'm treated when I make a mistake? No. I admit I made a mistake, I admit that I had no business confiding something of a personal nature with someone else (despite the fact that this small ass town already KNEW he'd made an ass of himself), I admit I had no business telling this person anything I happened to know in the idea that she NEEDED to know so that we could do damage control.
I KNOW I made a mistake... That doesn't give anyone the right to make me feel inferior, or to make me cry like I did, or to make me think that my ALL, EVERYTHING I've put into the business is NOTHING now, and will AMOUNT to nothing.
I'm done. Please help me come up with something to do in the meantime. Please.
Listening to: Shades of Blue - Ashley Parker Angel
Reading: Rain - My Own Drabble
Watching: The Screen
Eating: Nuffin...upset stomach
Drinking: Crystal Lite Ice Tea